Last night was bad, so very reminiscent of Alaska. I had a night mare of being in the mountains, a cabin. It was so cold, and my muscles began to spasm. The bones began to ache and swell. In the dream I fought for warmth and consciousness.
I awoke feeling Torrey's presence in the house. I took my evening medications and went to the living room to welcome him home from work. I grabbed a couple of Fig Newtons from the cabinet. I always have to get the medicine taste out of my mouth. With the Newtons, I headed back to the bedroom.
Upon returning, I found the sheets and covers on my side of the bed damp with my sweat. Always a BAD sign. I let the bed air out a little longer, retied my hair wrap, placed my eye patch over my eyes and resettled my body for sleep.
I lay there mere moments before I began to feel as if the pain from the dream were real. I thought I was having another nightmare. I was already trying to wake myself before I realized I was awake. Torrey was climbing into bed, I could feel his every movement. I began to panic, the pain was starting to overwhelm me. Shaking I asked T to open my Percocet. I took my dose and a muscle relaxer.
I lay there waiting for the medicine to take effect. The interim was maybe 45 minutes but it felt like 4 hours. I pleaded with Torrey to console and distract me. It was a new moment for us. He'd never experienced one of my "pain melt downs". Unfortunately Marcel (bless his heart) had always been the one to get me through these. Torrey always the joker, rubbed my arms and quoted Marcel "...it'll be okay Mommy." : ) It was nice though, nice that he was finally therefor me.
I was very glad when the medicine began to work. For once the sleepy numbness was a welcome respite. The pain slowly receded from my aching hands, shoulders, neck, and back. The sharp stabbing pains in my knees dulled and my eyes stopped watering.
I laid in the bed listening to T's snores unable to find true sleep but euphoric that I was pain free..... for the moment. Then the alarm rang interrupting my euphoria. Reality was I needed to wake Taty. However the lingering effects of the drugs made me feel "jelloey". I roused Torrey and he headed for our daughters room. Five to ten minutes later I felt the urge to write, to recount this experience.
I grabbed pen and notebook. And here you find me as the pain returns.... a yogurt, more meds, and a glass of juice. Poised I am for another "fight" with pain.
The unexamined life is not worth living.
~Socrates
~Socrates
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