I'm still having a hard time with why Torrey's still here. I know why I'm still her. I just can't see my life with out this man in it. But why is he still here? What does he see in me that compels him to stay. Why is so different now when I wasn't "enough" before?
I've tried to question him about u, about his choice to stay. he seems to be staying because I'm a"good woman". But I have always been a "good woman". Why is this Candace enough when the "2006" Candace wasn't. I don't understand!
As far as I know there's very little difference between the two. Well okay maybe the "2006" version was in a drugged stupor most of the time. Maybe just maybe that was a BIG thing-
I think though that the current American population deals quite well with "drugey/drugged" spouses/partners. And well I wasn't using recreational drugs. The drugs I was on...AM on are to keep me stable, give pain relief, and give me a semblance of life.So where does that leave me now. What does he want? What about me now that is okay? What is he satisfied with that he wasn't before? Is he going to change his mind again in another 10-15 years? I don't like that he could just change his mind about what he "needed". Why is it always about what they need! MEN!
I guess I need to be more vigilant, ask him what his needs are. What does he expect of me? What can I do to keep him focused one me? And yet I sit here and think why should I have to try so hard? I'm not the one who messed up!
Agg! how do I focus on wonderful and positive when I'm so frustrated?
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